We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My friends, they love my intelligence
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
