I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize