dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
