non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
