I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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