Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
