dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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