the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
