i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
