i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
