How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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