The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
