well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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