Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
