America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
