I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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