Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize