remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
