Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize