PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
