I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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