I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
