He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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