He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
