Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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