Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
