I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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