he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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