so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just high enough for therapy.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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