Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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