They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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