your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
