Fine. I'll sleep in my office
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
