so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
