with your own penis?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just had sex bonerless
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That accounts for only three of the penises
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
