If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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