If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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