My sheets look like a crime scene.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
