No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
