how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the day after is always just damage control
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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