Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
