I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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