I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
