i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
