Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
