i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
