Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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