Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
