tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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