you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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