she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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