I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
is wine microwaveable?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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