Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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