Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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