It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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