I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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