we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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