I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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