dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Edward fifth and chaser hands
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
