I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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