Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize