sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
