He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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