people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
