my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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