wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just found puke in my bra..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
