I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
