New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
