I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
