So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
