I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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