I think my vagina is haunted
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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