ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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