I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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