Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
