My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
