Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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