when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
