Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
