i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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