I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
