The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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